100812

For quite some time now, I've been feeling numb. I'm alive, but I'm just another deadman walking. I can barely feel anything, and I hate it. If the basis for being alive are having emotions, I might as well be a rock.

#1

My fingers will always write your name whenever my eyelids grow heavy, whenever my head is enveloped with a thick cloud of reveries, whenever the wall between reality and dreams have crumbled. I will write about you until my fingers are weary and calloused, until my hands shake, until the candle flickers and the flame slowly is extinguished, the darkness enveloping the entire room, the only light coming from the space between the wooden floorboards and the door that creaks with every gentle breeze.

Let my last breath be an utterance of your name and my last act, other than the obligatory tragic recollection of the numerous regrets that I’ve buried on one January evening, be a solemn scene in which I will hold this book dearly, my lips curved into a small smile as I fondly remember the curve of your neck that I used to kiss, those hands that I lovingly held whenever I could.

They will not remember me, the lonely writer who dedicated herself to you, but they will remember you every time they see the spaces in between every line and every word and and how you have inspired me to write poem after poem, page after page.  You will continue breathing in the minds of those who have read about you, and you will never cease to exist. You will live in these pages, your blood, the ink, your body, this book. 

Written last January 2012.

100112

It's that time of the month again wherein everyone's wishing for a better days to come. It's the end of a new month, the beginning of another. We are constantly hoping for October to be better as memories of September plague us as we go on with our lives. But no matter how much we pray for October to be a good month, we'll never really know what it will bring us.

I can't say I'm ready, but I guess I don't really have a choice. We all don't. Whatever happens, the world will move with or without our consent.

072912

It's been a while since I went put of town with my family, and I pretty ecstatic when my mom told me we were going to Subic because I've been itching to go to the beach for quite some time now. I was a bit disheartened when she told me we were going to Ocean Adventure, but I was excited nonetheless. (Who wouldn't be excited to see dolphins up close!?)

Since we left early, we had breakfast at Jollibee before picking up my stepbrother at Tarlac. After a long drive, we stopped over at Shakey's for lunch due to excessive hunger and bladder problems.

I had a huge lunch which just goes to show how seriously I'm taking my diet.

Then, we headed off to Ocean Adventure.

Say hi to the fishes, dolphins and sea lions!

Although it rained hard and the skies were gray and heavy, it was a good day.

Sadly, there's no telling how long the skies will stay monochromatic.

070912

My soul is as dry and as barren as the desert. The oases are almost empty, but nonetheless, I drink before I continue to nowhere. My feet are wandering from place to place aimlessly. The sun is too high to see anything, and I find myself constantly blinded by the light.  My knees are weak, and my entire body feels as fragile as glass. Every time the wind blows, I could feel my bones break little by little. I am exhausted beyond belief, and I wish to rest my head and sleep for a day or two. But no matter how much I would like to take a break, I can't. I have to find my way out of this desert because I know it will never rain; there is no place for me here.


And so, I think: How long must I continue wandering?